Apostrophe Jones

I am a lineman for the county , and I drive the main road .

TV Networks

Food Network      I know that the Health Department many years ago required cooks to wear hairnets in the kitchen.On this network-no one wears one.WUWT? Rachel Ray and especially Guy Fieri need hairnets.And speaking of Guy Fieri,if you were a restaurant owner,would you not be likely to call the cops if you saw this guy walking in?And Rach,why do you say EVOO to save time,and then explain that its extra virgin olive oil? WUWT?                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

PBS      If this is public broadcasting,why don’t they show what the public wants? The people clearly want more Kingston Trio shows, and for diversity,maybe some Limelighters and New Christy Minstrels as well.We here at AJ join the vast majority of U.S. viewers in requesting what the public wants – more folk music.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Lifetime      Do not watch this if you are a non-chick.The movies and shows on this channel have one point of view only- women are decent,moral and noble self sacrificing angels and all men are lowlife scum.If a woman murders her husband in a Lifetime movie,well,he deserved it. WUWT ?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Univision      I’ve only seen two shows on this network,their morning news/talk show,where they talk,have an occasional mariachi band and every so often,they all get up and dance.The other show is Sabado Gigante,which is a game show/beauty contest/talent show.They also advertise Captain Crunch a lot.                                                                                                 

 Golf Channel      For two hours before a major tournament on major network,they talk about Tiger Woods.That may not work this year.They have shown old Bobby Jones instructional films where Bobby shows how to hit a brassie or the more difficult mashie niblick shot.Hey Bob,at least loosen your necktie when you play.They do show old classic tournaments and two-man matches with names like Sam Snead vs. Bob Goalby.I know this sounds exciting,but some of these almost make golf seem boring.                                                                     

MSNBC       Ms.Nbc ? Like Ms.Pacman ? The women’s  liberation version of NBC ? Actually I’ve only seen one show here , Morning Joe. It is a talk show starting at 6:00 am.Joe yaps and yaps and no one can stop him . They can easily improve it by getting rid of Joe and calling it Morning Mika with Mike Barnicle.  

3 Responses to “TV Networks”

  1. Boz Creel says:

    Hey.I like PBS.I almost got me a totebag once when I pledged one million dollars.They didn’t send no bag,though.I do watch Masterpiece Theater and wish they had more shows about Bigfoot.I seen Bigfoot once.It was in a WalMart on the antifreeze aisle.But I digress.PBS is a good watch.

  2. Glenn R. Beck says:

    MSNBC is also the “Big Head Network”, home to Keith Olbermann, owner of one of the biggest domes this side of New Orleans. Speaking of domes, Apostrophe’s hat size is 8 3/4, after he gets his crew cut.

  3. Anonymous in H.R. says:

    The Director has instructed us in the personnel dept. that size 8 is the minimum hat size for any new hires. He told us to remove anyone who did not meet this specification . Well ,not in those words. He said “Get rid of the pinheads”.

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