Apostrophe Jones

I am a lineman for the county , and I drive the main road .

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Apostrophe Jones

To all  AJ readers : Time once again to explain our staff , especially to our new subscribers . Edward , our news director , is  a gangster who thinks it’s still 1934 . Larry , our interview specialist , likes to put down his random thoughts as they occur to him . Arnold is a politician who is becoming harder to understand as time goes by . J-Math ,the “music reporter “, is a strange one , spending most of his time in the AJ break room . When he leaves for the day , he’ll stop by my office and tell me “We’re out of cookies again , Mr. J .” He usually says this with his pockets full of cookies and cookie dust on his face . The Swami is a mysterious guy who seems to float through time . Not a big fan of Jeanne Dixon . J. Walker , our Western correspondent , is the new guy and we look forward to his dusty reports . And now that brings us to Zeldene Gilroy , on the society desk , who reports from the very weird town of Greenville . She seems to have an obsession with possum and sickens us weekly with her references to this disgusting varmint . Zeldene has offered to ” whomp up some vittles ” for the company picnic . You’ll be glad to know we declined as none of us look forward to” grilled possum chops ” or “possum in a blanket “. ©

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Apostrophe Jones

A.J. here . Every once in a while I have to step in and explain our feature columnists to the new subscribers . First ,Larry K . has been a respected jour…a well known pun… a guy who has been in the business awhile . Larry brings us his unique brand of news from his own obtuse perspective .He usually mails in his columns , postage due .  The Swami has a desk here in the office , but I never see him . There is nothing but a Magic 8 Ball on his desk . Edward G. has his columns delivered by his associate , Slats Mcgee , and that guy makes me nervous . Zeldene Gilroy is our newest writer , reporting from Greenville . Her first writing came in with what looks to be deep fried possum grease on it . But what can you do ? It’s Greenville , Jake .

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