Apostrophe Jones

I am a lineman for the county , and I drive the main road .

A Fool Never Learns

IF YOU’RE OVER 25 AND STILL A LIBERAL:

Your leaders are the Three Stooges of Libville: Obama,Reid, Pelosi, Weiner, Slick Willie, Cher and Al Sharpton.

(Oh, you don’t know how to count.)

Any perverse, sick, anti-American, anti-Semitic, anti-Christian, hateful, nasty side of any issue…that’s your side.

You’ve never watched FOX, heard Limbaugh or Beck, read the Constitution, been a Boy Scout or been to church…but you despise them.

You go to websites not to discuss an article, but to dispense the hatred and venom in your tiny cabeza.

You must defend and cover for every moronic thing Obama tries to pull, every gaffe, every stupid, corrupt,nasty, insulting thing he says and does, because if you don’t back him, he’ll come after you.

Or you could grow up.

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Liberal Intellectuals Comment on Media Websites

Lib # 1   FOX sucks!
 Lib # 2  Yaeh!
 Lib # 3 That’s FAUX and they suck!
Lib # 1 Good one!!!./
 Lib # 2 There stuppid !!@
 Lib # 1 Yeah!!#
Lib # 3 They lye!! \\
 Lib # 2 There LIERS  and STUPPID !!%
 Lib # 1 HAHAHAHAHA !!&
Lib # 2 I hatE thIs carp !!+
 Lib # 1 Good discussion, Time to move on.
Libs discussing Megyn Kelly
  • Lib # 1 FOX sucks!()
    Lib # 2 Yeah, FoKKkKs sukcs! See, I used 3 K’s because they are the Clu Klucks Clan channel!
    Lib # 3 Your funny!::

    Lib # 2 Megin is pretty!
    Lib # 3 What yuo said?
    Lib # 2 She’s meen! Pretty meen!
    Lib # 1 She don’t say ” President of the United States Obama” every time. She’s a racscist !!
    Lib # 3 She don’t wear her Clan hood cause she don’t want hood hair.

    Lib # 1 How come FOX don’t tell everybody to do what Obama says like the other channels?@&
    Lib # 3 Cause they suck??\\
    Lib # 2 Yeah they do !!^

    Lib # 3 Well, I got to go to store. I wanna paint my toenails and I’m out of toenail paint.
    Lib # 1 Wait. Your a girl??
    Lib # 3 No, I’m not

    Libs discussing Rush Limbaugh:

    Lib # 1 Limbaugh sucks!
    Lib # 2 He sukcs! ^%
    Lib # 3 Limbo lyes!#$7
    Lib # 2 He goes to the DR!!$#
    Lib # 3 Ruhs been married 19 times !!

    Lib # 1 So what else is new??
    Lib # 2 I told off a teabarger the ohter day. I said, ” Your a racsist!”
    Lib # 3 What he said?/
    Lib # 2 He couldnt’ say nothin. He was on TV.

    Lib # 1 FOX sucks!
    Lib # 2 FAUX sukcs!%*(
    Lib # 1 FOX sucks and Limbaugh is fat!
    Lib # 3 Gotta go, Cavuto is on.

     

    MSNBC on passing of Margaret Thatcher

    Conference at MSNBC this morning:

  • Head Loon: ” A great leader has passed away. Who can we get to trash her?”

    2nd Loon: “We need someone totally revolting and unhinged.”

    3rd Loon: ” We have a deep bench of repulsiveness. Pick one!”

    Head Loon: “Well, Schultz is passed out on the stairs, O’Donnell is outside chasing squirrels, Matthews is doing his community service … just get Bashir. He’ll smear anybody and he sounds like a limey”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Chippy the Puppy

Chippy was a happy puppy who loved to run and play in the fields in a land far away. The boy who owned Chippy loved his puppy and let him run free because it was safe in his neighborhood. Then something happened and it was not safe for puppies any more.

Puppies began to disappear after a boy named Barry from a land far away moved in. Barry had big teeth and his round tummy always looked full. One day Chippy did not come home and the boy was sad. He cried himself to sleep that night and for the next forty years as he looked for Chippy every day.

Giving up on Chippy’s return, Chippy’s owner moved to another land and soon had his own children. He told them Chippy’s story, weeping as he told the tale. His kids had wanted to visit the leader’s palace in their new land. Chippy’s owner worked hard and saved and one day he was able to afford the trip to the capital city and make his children’s dream come true.

When they arrived, Chippy’s owner found out that the leader had ordered the palace closed to the people of the land. While they were standing sadly at the locked door, a familiar face looked out at them. The man with big teeth laughed and laughed at their tears as he abruptly turned and walked away.

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Cavalcade of News-Big Eddie Style

 

 

The Rules:

A few suggestions for the Donahue associates for the new year. ( By suggestions, I mean: do this.)

1)  Be polite to everyone, especially coppers.

2) No more picking pockets in the city. This means you, Slats.

3) When pulling a job, don’t call each other by name. When Blackie gets out in ’14, remind him.

4) Be cool at all times. Just be like Big Eddie.

5) Never eat Chinese food at a mall food court. It’s horrible.

6) Don’t let no dames trip you up. There’s plenty of ’em.

7) No need to let them Washington dinks get your Irish up. They’re grifters like us, just on a bigger scale.

8) Don’t nobody drive my ’46 Packard. I don’t like it and it’s starting to lose that new car smell.

9) If (when) you get nabbed, have your alibis ready. For example, “It was my evil twin, officer.” or ” I got hit on the cabeza and got Magnesia, so I don’t recall nothin’ (like Hillary Clinton)” or ” I had a bad childhood. My Maw used to hit me with a bat.”

10) Don’t leave no fingerprints. ©

 

 

 

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Torture

The Great and Powerful Wise Pharoah Obama has proclaimed that we do not torture.

Apparently he has never had to sit through one of his speeches.

The US has a simple way to get the truth from enemy combatants.

An hour of listening to Herman’s Hermits or L’il Bow Wow will make the most hardened jihadist spill his guts.

If that fails, it’s time to unleash the ultimate weapon: a continuous loop of Wayne Newton singing “Waitin’ on the Robert E. Lee”, followed by “Danke Schoen” should get the needed results, with only a little permanent damage.

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Three kinds of Libs.

 

There are three kinds of libs:

1.) Normal people, just misguided. Very rare.

2.) Simple-minded folks who don’t read or pay attention to the real world, more interested in watching The View and Dancing with the Stars.

3.) Ultra nasty lumps who breathe hate and spit venom at anyone who doesn’t agree with their illogical views. Many are found on the Internet spewing the same boring insults day after day. They quickly turn on their own when any of them expresses any rational thought. It’s called CoryBookering. Often found in the audience at dogfights and tractor-pulls. Never look one of these Satanic creatures in the eye, as they will regard that as an attack and you may be bitten or even worse, since they all carry ice-picks.

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A Day in the Life of an Extremist Lib

 

Get up at the crack of noon.

Look out front window for racists.

Watch FOX while lighting up first of sixty cigarettes and guzzling first of 24 beers.

Write down all of FOX’s lies and make note of racists appearing today.

Burp so loud that neighbors call the cops.

Call cops racists, even though you’re a white guy and they’re white cops.

Tune in to MSNBC for some information about Republican racists.

Take evening nap and dream of giving racists at grocery store such a slap!
You can tell they’re racists by the way they dress, with their fancy shoes and all.

Wake up in time to catch the Evening Newscast featuring Jon Stewart.

Another successful day is done! Time to pass out on the floor.

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Whatever Became of …?

March, 2013.

Whatever became of the cast of CNN?

Soledad O’Brien

The “Prison Lady”, famous for grilling her guests on her short-lived morning program, got a job working  at an actual grill, becoming the assistant cook at the Sonic in Newark. Order up, Soley!

Piers Morgan

This fellow has returned to his native home in the Ozarks, resuming  his previous career in moonshining.  Buford Ledbetter( his real name) managed to pull off a convincing British accent for years enabling him to fool “them TV folks into givin’ hisself a right cushy job.”

Wolf  Blitzer

Blitz retired after the election and can be seen in Central Park with his acquaintance Keith Olbermann. Wolf loves to feed bits of bread to the squirrels, while Keith tries to wrest the bread back from them. Seldom catching the little guys, Olby will shout at them, pronouncing them “The Worst Squirrels in the World!”

Anderson Cooper

 Losing all his money on Facebook stock, Andy got a job with a real network. He is an assistant on The O’Reilly Factor, in charge of writing complimentary letters to The Factor and signing each with a different name and town.©

 

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Whatever Became Of …?

 March, 2013.

 Whatever became of the night time cast of MSNBC?

Al Sharpton and Ed Schultz

When NBC decided to shut it down, for obvious reasons, Al Sharpton bought it for a dollar and his promise to never mention that he was ever employed by NBC.The MSNBC building was converted into “Al and Ed’s Fashion Mart”, ( For the coolest threads, head to Al and Ed’s) where the latest in XXL pinstriped suits are featured and yes, there’s a track suit section in the corner.

Chris Matthews and Lawrence O’Donnell

Chris disappeared  November 7th, 2012 and was only spotted recently in Philadelphia. A scraggly bearded, long-haired Matthews was found hanging around Geno’s Steaks on 9th St., waving his arms and ranting about ” racists! “. Rumor is he is being paid by Pat’s down the street to scare away the customers. Crazy Larry is Chris’ assistant, keeping his flask full.

Rachel Maddow

This little lady decided to pursue her lifelong dream and is now one of the models on the new “Price is Right” game show, hosted by the former VP, now calling himself ” Joe Bidenopoulous”. After three weeks of hosting, Joe is still not sure of the format, beginning every sentence with,” Our survey says …”. Often Joe will ring in with answers himself, always in the form of a question.©

 

 

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Cavalcade of News – Big Eddie Style

The arrogant , incompetent King Barack Obama is much reviled by Republicans , many Democrats , and much of the world . He can solve his competency problem and the answer is right under his nose . Well , his chin , since he usually aims his noggin back and looks down at his “enemies” .

The solution is to replace the ridiculous Biden with Rep. John Dingell . He has been a Congressman since December,1955 . He took over the district in Michigan from his father , who had held the office since 1933 .   78 years of Dingell rule has made this Detroit district the boomtown that it is today ! Dingell has spent almost his entire life making laws for the commoners , and he has to be a supreme master of the process .

This man can restore the aura of competency to Obama’s Campaign Headquarters ( formerly the White House). Longtime lawmakers like Charlie Rangel and John Conyers should replace the corrupt Eric Holder and Steven Chu . ©

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